Wistful, I love that word…not wishing just thoughtful reminisces. I was just listening to an old Carpenter song “Close to You,” and it made me smile because I remember singing that song to my first husband. He fit the picture too, golden hair and eyes of blue with flecks of gold in them. I was so in love with being in love. We had some very good times and some very bad times. I was hurt and so was he, but I would not undo my decision to marry him. God used the experiences I had with him to help mold me into the person I am today.
It would be nice if we could learn the hard lessons without the pain…but it is the pain, many times that purifies us – like the heat used in purifying silver and gold. And while we are going through the fire we can see no way that it could bring good of any kind – after all – it HURTS! With tears in my eyes and a broken heart I cried out to God…WHY! But through it all He was there beside me. Through that experience God taught me TRUE forgiveness…not just in word, but truly and honestly forgiving all the pain inflicted – not just from my ex, but from my childhood pain of rejection and feelings of never being good enough. God has used me to help others go through very similar experiences…He never wastes anything. God has a plan to use whatever we endure to His glory IF we are willing to be used in that way.
God has called me to be a teacher…as such, He has given me an insatiable desire to “understand” everything. God gives wisdom when we ask but if you look a little further He tells us not only to ask for wisdom but seek understanding. Proverbs 4:7 “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all they getting get understanding.” It took too long to understand what my motivation was (why I wanted to understand was such a driving force in my life) but since I have realized it – I have embraced it. Which is totally what Proverbs 4:8-9 tell me to do WITH PROMISE! “Exalt her, and she shall promote thee: she shall bring thee honor, when thou dost embrace her. She shall give to thine head an ornament of grace; a crown of glory shall she deliver to thee. My crown of glory? well…I guess that would be my “natural” hair color – I’m not TOTALLY grey but let’s just say it sparkles well.